“That’s not what you said on Facebook, but I have a much better picture now.”

“Yeah,” I responded, [...]]]>

“That’s not what you said on Facebook, but I have a much better picture now.”

“Yeah,” I responded, “Lately I’ve been wishing I had a Secret Cindy account so I could be myself.”

Over the past couple of years I’ve happily added friends, acquaintances, political figures, co-workers, church members, family, and bloggers. I enjoy reading the news feed and keeping up with everyone, but I don’t know who I am now. When I post a status, who am I talking to?

I think some people don’t post status updates for exactly this reason.

I don’t have anything to hide. But if I posted the description of the motorcycle rally, people who don’t know me well might not understand my comment in the right context. I’ve always been overweight and have shopped at Lane Bryant. For many of the women, the rally was a chance meet up, but obviously not for me. If you aren’t a close enough friend to know how I struggle with my weight and have close friends who are gay, you might misjudge my status.

A friend didn’t like how Barack Obama, as a candidate, changed his demeanor for different audiences. When he first mentioned it, I realized I do the same. I don’t speak with a friend from another culture the same way I speak to a politician. My word choice, speed, and content are different. Both online and offline, I have a diversity of friends. Isn’t this true for all of us?

The situation on Facebook is perplexing, especially when professional contacts are included on your friend list. Obviously I would tell my family more intimate details about our weekend than I would share with a state delegate. Family want to hear about your kid’s accomplishments but to everyone else it’s bragging.

A friend who grew up down the street from me, couldn’t believe a current friend called me “Cindy” on Facebook. Didn’t I hate that? For 23 years I was against the nickname unless we were family or close friends, but as work blended with socializing, the distinction blurred. Eventually I felt silly telling people to call me Cynthia.

Now people from every part of my life are blended together on social networks. I’m very conscious of what each person thinks about every word I type. I’m concerned aboout what people will think.

I like sharing details of my life which helps me keep in touch and get to know others better, but it is difficult to speak to large, diverse audiences. Even though the message is the same, often the words need to be different. My status updates are generic and perhaps less fun, hence my wish for a wild and crazy Secret Cindy account because I like to joke around.

Who are you typing to?

I’m not by any means a public figure in my city but because of a [...]]]> Friends keep asking social etiquette questions about Facebook. For the most part, the interactions are unchartered. Although I advise the same good common sense as in real life, I’m now struggling with my own situation and how it will spill over.

I’m not by any means a public figure in my city but because of a local community blog, people know me. A city staff member once wrote, “We haven’t met (and I’d like to remedy that) but I am ______________; and I am in need a of a great big favor.” So we corresponded and I tried to help.

A short time later her city email showed up on my friend finder in Facebook and she accepted my offer of friendship. As I like to make personal contact with all my new friends, I wrote on her wall, etc.

But she has unfriended me. I find myself wondering why. She could have just blocked me from seeing her status updates.

Gosh this whole Facebook thing is getting complicated.

I’m sure the college kids are way past this. Truthfully, I don’t care. To me it’s a friendship lost. I liked her status updates and thought she was fun and wild like me.

But this is the communications person for my city. Since I blog about our city, I’ll have to interact with her in the future. What do I do?

1.) Directly send a message on Facebook and ask why? Did I do something wrong?
2.) Ask her why when I see her in person?
3.) Pretend nothing happened both in emails and in person?

Yes, we weren’t really friends, but I was hoping to get to know her better. Yes, I understand it is more of a professional relationship with me and you don’t want your crazy everyday observations to go public. Today she has 195 friends, not many by a younger person’s standards, but obviously more than just a close circle. Plus, she has kept my fellow community blogger as a friend as well as other city staff, so it’s just me kicked off the list.

It’s just Facebook right so I have to ignore it? I guess I will.

For [...]]]> Today I discovered a myspace account. It belongs to a friend who is married with a kid. It states that he is Single and a Leo. He used a different name “Hugh” but the correct hometown. I don’t think he’s THAT much younger than me but let’s not quibble about that claim. There’s no picture.

For those women out there who have myspace accounts, you may know about the propositions. Often they are from men without pictures that want to start an email correspondence. Some are from places far away and some are from your metro area. I’ve always suspected that the ones that live far away are not that far away.

I wonder about these men. I’m very clear about being married but my husband always says that I’m worth a shot by these guys. They “like my smile”. Think I’m “intelligent like them”. I seem “fun and full of life”. They really would “enjoy talking to me”. One even admitted to a bad marriage and thought mine might be bad too. At least he was honest about wanting to have an affair. My suspicion was that he was someone I knew.

I’m in it for the bands. Really! My niece set me up so I could follow and promote bands. I was a college radio station disc jockey. I love music and wish we would have had myspace twenty years ago. But hey, the internet has killed college radio stations. Every single person has access to all the music so we don’t need someone to play all the new, unknown stuff for us. Come to think of it, thank goodness we didn’t have the internet because I loved that microphone!

Back to my friend with the fake myspace. He hasn’t touched it in more than a year. What did he try? Did he send a few messages? Did he just think about it? It’s not like Facebook where you need to have an account to see other people’s pages, plus he lied so there’s more going on.

All marriages have their ups and downs. I know his wife and have a feel for their marriage. It’s just so engrossing to finally have proof about one of these myspace guys. Was he drunk late at night? Why hasn’t he erased it?

To me, myspace is like being out at a bar, which is probably why I love it so much. There’s a band, a bunch of people who want to have a good time, and someone sends over a drink. Sorry, I’m just here for the music and I’m married but I understand because I look like I’m having a good time. No harm done.

However, I’ve been naïve about all of my extramarital affair options on such sites as: http://www.marriedcafe.com/, http://www.housewivesmatchonline.com/, http://www.discreetadventures.com/, or http://www.meet2cheat.com/.

With statistical claims that 60% of married men and 40% of married women admit to having affairs, this is big business.

If you are truly interested, why not just go full force with one of these sites? Why even bother with myspace? Will it be more real if you find the woman on your own and start a cyber dialog? Can you justify it by saying that it “just happened”? You “weren’t really looking just chatting online”?

I’m not going to mention the myspace find to him, but I’m curious. I considered asking to friend him so he knows that he has been found out, but he might take that the wrong way. I finally know one of these guys!