Trying not to BNeg » men

Guest Post: The Bond Between Father And Child

admin — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 17:02:26 +0000

Today, in honor of Father’s Day, I have a guest post from my son who just finished 7th grade.

His teacher sent his original exam question to us through the U.S. Mail. She included a letter explaining students had to respond to a prompt comparing two texts then added:

I have enjoyed reading these essays by my students, but your son’s was so heartfelt I thought you might enjoy reading as well.

As a gift to my husband on Father’s Day, here is my son’s answer to his semester exam question:

The greatest bond that can be created, the one that can never be broken, is the bond between father and child. I have one of these bonds with my dad. I love and admire him. These are the exact same feelings that the speaker and the narrator have towards their dads.

The main feeling that both the writers have towards their dads is love. You can tell because in Cheaper By The Dozen the writer says, “How we loved him then.” This actually says that they love him, the writer included. The writer of My Father Is A Simple Man also has great feelings of love for his father. You can tell because he says “I’d gladly give my life for this man.” That is a perfect example of unconditional love. The writer loves his father so much he would make the ultimate and final sacrifice for him. The bond between father and son sits on a gossamer web of love.

The other main feeling of the bond is admiration. To the writers and me a smile means success. A man who has everything from maturity to responsibility is so much higher up the ladder of life than you. When he reaches out his hand to help you up what else can you feel but admiration. The writer of My Father Is A Simple Man understands this and his admiration is shown by the quote “whose kindness and patience are true …?” The writer is talking about his father and the fact that he sees these two attributes shows that he respects and admires his father. The writer of Cheaper By The Dozen also shows admiration in the quote “… and then we’d throw our arms around him.” This clearly shows admiration and probably love. In total when you put admiration and love together it’s like the sun and moon, dark and light, and ying and yang working together with a conundrum so powerful that the bond cannot be broken.

There are things I will never understand in this world. Girls is one of them but if there is one thing I do understand it is the bond of father and child. It cannot be broken once it is made. If admiration is lost, love will bring it back. If love is lost, admiration will bring it back. In the end, love and admiration are the two most powerful forces there are and if a bond is made of them that nothing, not even a nuke, can break it.

I add all my love and send it along with my son’s.

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Impassioned Teams Win Success

admin — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 03:39:11 +0000

My entire work career has been spent in nonprofit organizations. Every one of my workplaces has had women in the majority functioning as team with complete collaboration. Titles never mattered. No one ever tried to take credit for group efforts. It has always been about the results.

Last week Third Sector Connector had a wonderful list, 17 Hallmarks of Community Change Agents. A few jumped off the screen:

They value team, and they have an understanding that attracting, retaining, and supporting a strong team is essential to delivering high quality services.

Rather than building silos and rigidly adhering to job descriptions, they encourage ad-hoc teams, cross-training and shared responsibility.

They encourage, value and provide professional development, mentoring and coaching.

You may notice a common thread. The teamwork is blurred. Roles shift and change. People are appreciated. Everyone offers their best because no one is taking credit or calling the work their own. Success stems from a group effort by qualified and valued members.

Over the years, my leadership style has always been based on such impassioned teams. Accomplishments are always paramount to the role I play.

A quote by Harry S. Truman has resonated with me and reminded me of what’s important:

You can accomplish anything in life provided that you do not mind who gets the credit.

It’s so true. This has always been my way of life. For me it is never about the “glory”. I want to improve the lives around me by leading and growing community for the common good. I don’t believe in saying “I”, it’s always “We”. It’s actually painful for me when I can’t bring people together and I have to watch endeavors wither.

So I’m pleased to be reminded of how real, positive change can be attained.

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That Darn Blasted "Doghouse" Video and Why I'm Barely Able to Blog

Cynthia Cotte Griffiths — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:25:00 +0000

For Christmas, I thought my husband was going to get me a wireless booster. Invisible forces often knock my internet connection to Kingdom Come, requiring a complete re-boot of the whole system with a run up the stairs. Since the husband told me about the relay, each time I ran up the stairs, I counted the days until Christmas.

He didn’t give me one.

After Christmas we were standing around Best Buy and I mentioned that I thought he was going to give me an internet booster. He told me he was, but he was afraid because of the “Beware of the Doghouse” video.

What?

One of my girlfriends had emailed me the link. I laughed. When my husband was wandering around the kitchen, I hit play on my laptop. He laughed much harder than me. Now I haven’t gotten what I wanted for Christmas.

If you haven’t seen the video advertisement, some poor schmuck gave his wife a vacuum cleaner. Even though it was a “dual-bag” vacuum cleaner, she condemned him to fold laundry for all eternity down in the doghouse with other men who had made such mistakes with presents.

Since it ridiculed the women who would do this to their husbands, I thought it was funny. I never thought of myself as one of “those” women. The last thing I want is for my husband to waste money on jewelry when there are useful and fun-filled gifts for the picking. (For the record, he gave me something I adored but would never actually purchase, so he’s good.)

Over the weekend, one of my sister-in-laws said that her husband had laughed much harder than her when they watched the doghouse video. Since our husbands seemed to be laughing because they identified with the situation from personal experience, we were both slightly annoyed. We didn’t like being lumped in with these women, but men identify with the video because they feel like they never know the right thing to do.

I count on my husband to make my life better each day. He’s my “Can Do Pig”, a reference from a children’s book which I have always considered a compliment even though it doesn’t sound like one. At the births of our sons, he gave me the diamonds and pearls, so I’m not against sentimental jewelry. But what has become apparent in the last few days is that I depend on him to come up with the big solutions and erase all the problems in my life.

To me, that’s a much greater gift. I hope men figure out the right thing to do.

Update: Our nephew spent a day trying to install a wireless booster then returned it. Maybe the Doghouse saved us some trouble afterall!

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I Finally Know Someone Behind the Myspace Mask

Cynthia Cotte Griffiths — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:13:00 +0000

Today I discovered a myspace account. It belongs to a friend who is married with a kid. It states that he is Single and a Leo. He used a different name “Hugh” but the correct hometown. I don’t think he’s THAT much younger than me but let’s not quibble about that claim. There’s no picture.

For those women out there who have myspace accounts, you may know about the propositions. Often they are from men without pictures that want to start an email correspondence. Some are from places far away and some are from your metro area. I’ve always suspected that the ones that live far away are not that far away.

I wonder about these men. I’m very clear about being married but my husband always says that I’m worth a shot by these guys. They “like my smile”. Think I’m “intelligent like them”. I seem “fun and full of life”. They really would “enjoy talking to me”. One even admitted to a bad marriage and thought mine might be bad too. At least he was honest about wanting to have an affair. My suspicion was that he was someone I knew.

I’m in it for the bands. Really! My niece set me up so I could follow and promote bands. I was a college radio station disc jockey. I love music and wish we would have had myspace twenty years ago. But hey, the internet has killed college radio stations. Every single person has access to all the music so we don’t need someone to play all the new, unknown stuff for us. Come to think of it, thank goodness we didn’t have the internet because I loved that microphone!

Back to my friend with the fake myspace. He hasn’t touched it in more than a year. What did he try? Did he send a few messages? Did he just think about it? It’s not like Facebook where you need to have an account to see other people’s pages, plus he lied so there’s more going on.

All marriages have their ups and downs. I know his wife and have a feel for their marriage. It’s just so engrossing to finally have proof about one of these myspace guys. Was he drunk late at night? Why hasn’t he erased it?

To me, myspace is like being out at a bar, which is probably why I love it so much. There’s a band, a bunch of people who want to have a good time, and someone sends over a drink. Sorry, I’m just here for the music and I’m married but I understand because I look like I’m having a good time. No harm done.

However, I’ve been naïve about all of my extramarital affair options on such sites as: http://www.marriedcafe.com/, http://www.housewivesmatchonline.com/, http://www.discreetadventures.com/, or http://www.meet2cheat.com/.

With statistical claims that 60% of married men and 40% of married women admit to having affairs, this is big business.

If you are truly interested, why not just go full force with one of these sites? Why even bother with myspace? Will it be more real if you find the woman on your own and start a cyber dialog? Can you justify it by saying that it “just happened”? You “weren’t really looking just chatting online”?

I’m not going to mention the myspace find to him, but I’m curious. I considered asking to friend him so he knows that he has been found out, but he might take that the wrong way. I finally know one of these guys!

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Ignoring the Creeps

Cynthia Cotte Griffiths — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 04:02:00 +0000

Truthfully, it’s been a bad couple of weeks for me as a woman in my little town. First I met an old man who was a photographer and he kept letting his camera hit me inappropriately and apologizing with that look on his face. Second, I was out to see my friends’ band and this guy sat between me and the band and kept turning around and outright staring at me. Then he took the empty seat next to me and kept “accidentially” hitting me with his leg about 15 times. Oh! “by accident”. Right.

In one of my nonprofit jobs, I would buy townhouses for rental to lower-income families. Just before closing on a purchase, I had to confirm that all the final punch-out items had been completed by the builder. During the course of a few years, I visited 20 construction sites, dressed nicely for my office job. Although most of the men were professional, there were some who were not, and those smiles and comments and little quips always followed. The thing about it is that you never know what you are going to encounter.

I never get angry or say anything to these men. I grew up in a real working class area where you would be severly ridiculed if you complained and did not “play along”. For the most part it doesn’t bother me. In a way it is a compliment that the man finds me attractive although he lacks the social graces to keep it to himself. I certainly don’t welcome it. I feel that the look I give the man and returning to the business at hand in a no nonsense way, brushes the whole incident aside.

I always wonder if I should be confrontational and angry and tell these men that it is not appropriate for them to make these little comments with that look on their face. I can’t imagine being a man and acting the way they do.

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