For the first time in my life, I realized that if I had the chance to do something all over again, I wouldn’t. As the question formed in my head, I slowly came to the painful realization that if I was confronted with the same situation, I would resoundingly decide not to participate.

I don’t remember feeling this way about an experience. Since I’ve been around for 47 years, I guess I’m lucky. I’ve never wrestled [...]]]>

For the first time in my life, I realized that if I had the chance to do something all over again, I wouldn’t. As the question formed in my head, I slowly came to the painful realization that if I was confronted with the same situation, I would resoundingly decide not to participate.

I don’t remember feeling this way about an experience. Since I’ve been around for 47 years, I guess I’m lucky. I’ve never wrestled with regret. Even if a situation or decision didn’t go very well, I never found myself wishing I hadn’t done it. I always chalked it up to life’s lessons and found something positive to remember.

This doesn’t mean I can’t create a long list of good outcomes from my recent experience, because I can. I can also detail the bad outcomes just as quickly. They even balance each other.

When I told my family about my thoughts, my youngest agreed without hesitation. Even a ten-year-old recognized my time could have been better spent.

When I think back to all of the hours I wasted, I’m overcome with a sense of loss. I desperately find myself wishing I could somehow add all those years back to my life, but it’s not going to happen.

What can I do?

Wait.
Time does heal wounds. Even within the brief timeframe of these last few weeks, I’ve been feeling better.

Recognize.
Don’t deny your feelings. Identify the feelings of anger, blame, and irritation. Accept each as your honest reaction without making excuses, then let the emotions go.

Accentuate.
Emphasize the positive. In this case I’m intensifying the excellent personal relationships formed during the experience. In this way, the positive outcomes are becoming even stronger and therefore the experience can improve slightly.

Redefine.
Frame the experience correctly. Due to my overwhelming desire to “make other people better”, I never touted my contributions, leadership, and erudition. Although shining a light on others is an excellent mantra for a better life, confidently communicating and owning your own success is also necessary for fulfillment in the long run.

Forgive.
In order to get past a bad experience, you need to absolve those involved. You may need to forgive yourself or someone else. Remove the blame.

Although my realization stunned me, I’ve been able to make progress with these goals. I’ll carry this lesson with me in all my new endeavors and will be able to recognize and control similar situations. The pattern will not repeat – yet another impetus toward a better outcome.

Over the weekend I banged my forehead on the kitchen counter and finally lost it about reducing my coffee intake.

I don’t want to be healthy. I want to kill myself with food and drink. I want more COFFEE.

The outburst was due to my strenuous kickboxing workout rather than my yoga excursion. For some reason I crave coffee after intense physical activities. Since I’d had one mug before heading out the door [...]]]>

Fighting the strong winds.

Over the weekend I banged my forehead on the kitchen counter and finally lost it about reducing my coffee intake.

I don’t want to be healthy. I want to kill myself with food and drink. I want more COFFEE.

The outburst was due to my strenuous kickboxing workout rather than my yoga excursion. For some reason I crave coffee after intense physical activities. Since I’d had one mug before heading out the door and another with my blueberry/apple pancake breakfast upon return, I was done for the day. I couldn’t take it.

The first week of my 40 Day Personal Revolution through yoga (the Barron Baptiste way) shook up my world. Every change in my life during the last week was of my choosing. Some were easy and others more difficult. The week one emphasis is “Presence” so I analyzed myself.

Diet

One of the first unhealthy habits to go was my 8-cup per day coffee addiction which I have promised to cut by half. Eating vegetarian was actually easier than giving up the coffee. Since I was a small child I never enjoyed the thought of eating animals. I know I couldn’t slaughter one and have struggled with the massive meat production machine which does the dirty work for me. My family has joined me in this vegetarian excursion so a few new meals have landed on our table. One dinner of Israeli couscous, garbanzo beans, and carrots was not well received at first glance but everyone had seconds and asked for the dish to become a regular. Thrive Yoga has provided a weekly chart to log all of our activities. Journaling food is a time-tested way to watch your diet and reminds me of my early days of Weight Watchers when I lost 50 pounds, so I am writing down everything which goes in my mouth. My goal is to continue to eliminate the “hot” foods such as coffee and meat, along with the alcohol I already eliminated, and increase the “cold” foods such as salads and yogurt, to bring my body into better balance. Honestly, I’m too “hot” of a person and will give the diet a chance to see if it works.

Yoga and Workouts

Although the program states the six days of yoga practice will be enough physically, I will not give up my kickboxing/MMA. The combination has proven to provide a careful balance in my life. A new favorite trainer at LA Boxing has rocked my body, leaving me nauseas and unable to move. To show up for an intensive all level yoga class 12 hours later when every move was painful challenged my resolve, but if I can continue, I will take myself to a new physical level.

My goal is to practice yoga in the studio at Thrive Yoga at least four times per week with the other two days at home from the sequences in the book plus my usual three kickboxing/MMA sessions. On the final day of this first week, my increased abilities during practice surprised me. Knowing this improvement will continue to new heights uplifts me.

Meditation

Everywhere you looked during the time of New Year’s resolutions mentioned meditating so this is definitely the current trend. What is it? Thrive Yoga assigns an email buddy to support you through the program. My buddy and I aren’t really sure about the meditation or what we are supposed to be doing. This past week the 5 minutes twice-a-day has been easy. By the time I think through all the parts of my body and concentrate on my breathing, the time is over. Keeping my mind blank can be an extreme challenge and one morning I couldn’t do it. These thoughts were from situations I need to change in my life so the exercise at least had the benefit of making me face these needed changes. If you have time for a shower, you have time to mediate. Moving up to 10 minutes twice a day will certainly be a challenge. Breathe in, breathe out …

Resolve

Although during the weekly “check in” at the studio, some people admitted they were only focusing on one part of the program for improvement, my goal is to completely flip my life and see where it leads. The biggest change is that I am tired early in the evening and have been sleeping. Baptiste writes about our lifestyles causing insomnia and when I read it, I didn’t quite believe it. All these years I’ve struggled to sleep.

Will it last? I’ll continue down the path and see what happens.

This post is part of a series on my 40 Days to Personal Revolution journey.

Recently my son told me “You can’t do it with one.” I was remembering a visit to the American History Museum more than six months earlier. He was talking about his attempt to attach magnetic objects on a ramp in order to direct a ball into a hole in the hands-on science exhibit.

I was delighted he remembered because at the time I stood there marveling at his minimalist approach.

For over an hour, every other kid [...]]]>

Recently my son told me “You can’t do it with one.” I was remembering a visit to the American History Museum more than six months earlier. He was talking about his attempt to attach magnetic objects on a ramp in order to direct a ball into a hole in the hands-on science exhibit.

I was delighted he remembered because at the time I stood there marveling at his minimalist approach.

For over an hour, every other kid immediately proceeded to add as many gadgets as possible to the ramp. More and more and more, without even checking if their system worked.

When my son walked up, he was the only one to remove all the pieces and try with one. Only one. No matter what he did, it didn’t work so he tried two.

When we have a project or assignment, we tend to try to add as much as we can. For instance, if you are designing a website, you might add as many bells and whistles as you can find. If you are planning an event, you might schedule more people, displays, and presentations than you need. The temptation to add every possible feature is especially evident in committees or groups of decision-makers. More must be better.

However, my son is right. You should always start with the bare minimum and see if it works. Then add each additional piece of the plan but only if you can justify additional benefits.

There’s a reason for K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid). Some of us come by this direct no-nonsense philosophy naturally but most of us don’t.

As Albert Einstein is attributed to saying:

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

What he really said is slightly more complicated:

It can scarcely be denied that the supreme goal of all theory is to make the irreducible basic elements as simple and as few as possible without having to surrender the adequate representation of a single datum of experience.

The message is the same.

When you are working on any project, start from the bottom and only add what is needed.

Can you do it with one piece?

After almost 11 years of yoga practice, I’m timidly starting a Personal Revolution to kick off the New Year. Opening myself to new possibilities, I have no way of knowing what will happen.

As a gift for my birthday this month, my husband registered me for a program at Thrive Yoga based on Baron Baptiste’s 40 Days To Personal Revolution book.

For both my pregnancies my husband and I intensely prepared with the Bradley Method of Natural [...]]]>

After almost 11 years of yoga practice, I’m timidly starting a Personal Revolution to kick off the New Year. Opening myself to new possibilities, I have no way of knowing what will happen.

As a gift for my birthday this month, my husband registered me for a program at Thrive Yoga based on Baron Baptiste’s 40 Days To Personal Revolution book.

For both my pregnancies my husband and I intensely prepared with the Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth (that’s another post I need to write!). During my second pregnancy almost 11 years ago, I added a prenatal yoga class and never stopped practicing at home by myself with videos and instruction.

Stepping into an actual studio with people was a big step a few years ago. I have never enjoyed group physical fitness experiences but I found a home at Thrive Yoga, a special and peaceful place which takes you beyond the physical yoga practice. When I first talked to the co-owner Susan, she explained that her husband, Dave, had been in a bad car accident and her sister had died from cancer. When she looked at her life, she knew what was important so they started Thrive. This is a beautiful studio where you can go to handle the stresses from life and center yourself. The workshops and classes are all about a better, complete life.

Since Thrive Yoga already provides a transforming experience, the thought of a more intense study requires me to take an even deeper breath. I’ll admit I’m nervous. A year and a half ago, I talked to Dave about advancing in my yoga practice. Expecting an easy answer about the classes I should take, he suggested the intensive 40-day course. He said most people think they don’t have the time and this was exactly what I was thinking. Then my arm injury prevented me from even considering the possibility.

But here I am.

For six weeks the program works on your health. In addition to at least six yoga practices a week, we’ll meet weekly to talk about our eating habits and daily meditation. That’s body, mind, and spirit.

I need this now.

When I spoke with one of my spiritual advisors recently, he commented that I had said the same thing to him two years ago. He’s right. He was also right when he said I was doing too many things.

I must stand still and listen for a while.

This will mean I cut back on much of what I am doing. I have a painting sketched out on a big white canvas and I’m going to pick up those brushes again. Because I never thought I’d make a salary with my artwork, I discarded it. Truth be told, I’m not making a heck of a lot of money freelancing right now so I might as well be doing what I truly love. So yoga, diet, prayer, painting, and family will be my only priorities as I open myself to come apart. My husband said he can’t imagine a better time for me to do this, and he is right.

Although I am fortunate to have a local program to keep me focused, 40 Days To Personal Revolution provides a complete guide for anyone, anywhere. Even a beginner can follow the instructions for each yoga pose and benefit from the weekly readings.

Now if I can only get “You say you want a revolution” to stop repeating in my head.

May you find what you seek this year.

This post is part of a series on my 40 Days To Personal Revolution journey.

When we went around the table at Thanksgiving, I was thankful for my arm. With the elbow injury curtailing 14 months of my life, I learned to appreciate every single little movement. Every day I made the best of it but could never fully participate in most of my daily activities. When the cast was on I couldn’t even type. I could only fight with three limbs in kickboxing. I couldn’t do most yoga poses. [...]]]>

When we went around the table at Thanksgiving, I was thankful for my arm. With the elbow injury curtailing 14 months of my life, I learned to appreciate every single little movement. Every day I made the best of it but could never fully participate in most of my daily activities. When the cast was on I couldn’t even type. I could only fight with three limbs in kickboxing. I couldn’t do most yoga poses. Every grocery bag, book, pot, and door required me to pause. My arm held me back so I had to push a little harder no matter what I was doing.

Lately I found myself trying to think of all the new activities and goals I could add to my life to make it better. Usually we think of new things when we want to improve our lives. If only I did this or that, things would be better.

One afternoon as I sat around trying to figure out what to do with my life, I thought through all my options, gifts, and skills. With great awareness and happiness, it occurred to me that I already had all the most wonderful possibilities in my life. I really wasn’t appreciating most of them, just as I didn’t appreciate the use of my arm until it was gone.

Later on the same day, this Frederick Koenig quote flitted through one of my many online feeds:

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

I couldn’t express it better myself. My happiness will grow by appreciating the reach I already have. Now I take the time each day to make sure I do.

The newest science suggests that exercise alone will not make you thin, but staying thin requires exercise. Real exercise. You must work out.

In Weighing the Evidence on Exercise, Barry Braun, an associate professor of kinesiology at the University of Massachusetts states:

“When you look at the results in the National Weight Control Registry, you see over and over that exercise is one constant among people who’ve maintained their weight loss.” About 90 percent of the people [...]]]>  

The newest science suggests that exercise alone will not make you thin, but staying thin requires exercise. Real exercise. You must work out.

In Weighing the Evidence on Exercise, Barry Braun, an associate professor of kinesiology at the University of Massachusetts states:

“When you look at the results in the National Weight Control Registry, you see over and over that exercise is one constant among people who’ve maintained their weight loss.” About 90 percent of the people in the registry who have shed pounds and kept them at bay worked out, a result also seen in recent studies.

During the last few years I have slowly developed a well-rounded workout routine. I’ve never liked gyms because they seem so artificial. I don’t like to sweat though I’ve grown used to it lately. I do love to learn new pursuits. Going from a lazy slug to a fit individual has been a long journey. I’m still learning. But I think I’ve hit upon a good combination worth sharing. You might say I’m going down this path kicking and screaming, but here’s how:

1.) Running. When I realized walking wasn’t really helping to control my weight I started to run around the neighborhood. At first it was a half mile. Now I run 3 miles alternating between running as fast as I can then walking up hills to catch my breath. I was running five or six days per week exclusively, but now it’s usually one time to get the heart pumping in conjunction with my other activities. For two years my un-ending mantra with every footstep was “I hate running”. Lately I only think I hate it once or twice during a run. Recently I tried my first 5K but it wasn’t your ordinary race. The Run-A-Muck went through a lake and mud pit which left me completely dirty but extraordinarily pumped.

2.) Martial Arts and Kickboxing With A Trainer. I started kickboxing to lose the fat on my legs and sculpted my entire body. Originally I had a trainer in a martial arts studio while working to achieve belts, but she has moved away. Now at the absolute minimum I go to LA Boxing three times per week for an hour workout each time. LA Boxing claims their intense workout burns 1,000 calories. Kickboxing also requires a full body program beyond the martial arts, such as the 50 pushups I completed for my green belt. The trainers help you to tone your abs, arms, legs, back, and core. The best part is I’ve learned how to defend myself with both kicking and boxing as well as getting my body into good shape. You need to be quick on your toes and never stop moving when kickboxing, which also helps my running form. Jump kicks, leap frogs, lunges, squats, ab work, pushups, etc., the routine works on every part of your body until you feel like collapsing but you’re not allowed to stop moving. Once I found myself thinking I hated one of my instructors but then he yelled out “I know you hate me.” I keep going because I love the results.

3.) Yoga. For ten years yoga has been the mainstay of my weekly workout plan. Besides the mental health and high from each session, I now desperately need to stretch every part of my body after my other strenuous workouts. Yoga keeps my body in balance and helps me concentrate on what’s important in my life as well as keeping me physically well. Vinyasa improves my breathing while in motion, which is also important for my other physical endeavors. Also, my breathing is deeper, more cleansing. Right now I go to the Thrive Yoga once a week for an hour and a half, then practice solo once per week. After an injury which prevented me from doing my yoga, I realized I couldn’t live without it. Yoga is essential to every workout plan, brings great health, and prevents diseases.

Keeping the weight off has meant pushing my body beyond any notion I’ve ever had about working out and living with constant pain. I know I can’t stop. The recent research only encourages me to keep up my daily workout schedule.

The key is making it fun and social. In order to keep the weight off, find something you look forward to doing each day. For me it needs to be a variety. I need to balance the aggressiveness of kickboxing with the spiritual aspect of yoga and the cardio benefits of running. I’ve even combined the martial arts with yoga in a Budokon class. The important part is staying active.

Obviously I’ve built my workout over the course of six years. Listening to my body has led me to a complete routine. I pay attention to what I need and discovered a successful combination for my health and well-being.

But who knows, this summer I may start a completely different activity in conjunction with a more intense yoga practice. The trick is to keep it fresh and try new things, crazy things. Activities you watch and think you would never be able to do. That’s what will keep you happy and healthy.

What do you think you can’t do?

——————-

Part I of Weight and Exercising inspired by Gretchen Reynolds recent article, Weighing the Evidence on Exercise.

Sue was a bartender suffering from severe anorexia. She was paper thin, all skin and bones with big red hair teased out in every direction. When a friend told her she complained more than anyone he knew, she told him she knew someone worse.

She meant me.

I was dumbfounded. How could she say this about me? Up until the moment she relayed the story, I had never considered myself a complainer. Living outside New [...]]]>

Sue was a bartender suffering from severe anorexia. She was paper thin, all skin and bones with big red hair teased out in every direction. When a friend told her she complained more than anyone he knew, she told him she knew someone worse.

She meant me.

I was dumbfounded. How could she say this about me? Up until the moment she relayed the story, I had never considered myself a complainer. Living outside New York City with my life in flux while my father lay dying, I was barely surviving each day. Teaching school early, after moonlighting as a hotel lounge manager, left very little time for sleep. I was always tired and often sick. Even so, I didn’t think I was unhappy or complaining.

Seeing myself through Sue’s eyes forced me to evaluate. Was I really that bad? Did I concentrate on the bad things in my life and complain too much? After my father’s death I moved to the Washington area, immersing myself in a new life.

Sue passed away two years later. During our last conversation, I tried to convince her I wasn’t a complainer anymore. Life could be so different. She had to find hope and fight to be well. I could tell she didn’t believe me, or didn’t want to believe me.

I’ve spent the last twenty years trying not to be negative, even when situations are at their worst. Mind you, I’m not trying to be positive. That might actually be too much for me.

Most of the time circumstances don’t go your way. You can’t change other people. In the back of my mind, I consciously consider whether Sue would think I was complaining. When you buy expensive tires then the car dies two days later, it’s the perfect opportunity to find the dream car you’ve always wanted. When scaffolding blocks the altar during your son’s communion celebration, you realize the physical space is not important. At the time, the situation might be upsetting, but you find a reason to put aside your bad thoughts and feelings.

Last year my arm ligament ripped, forcing a year of rehabilitation. People noticed and talked to me about their own recurring injuries. Due to their positive attitudes, I never suspected they were fighting pain on a daily basis. Finding others who live each day trying not to be negative was uplifting and made my injury bearable. My pain brought a profound gift of understanding about the strength we all have to endure.

Trying Not To Bneg means acknowledging the bad parts of life. It’s not a denial of your natural reactions of jealousy, anger, anxiety, fear and regret. It’s acceptance and control of these emotions followed by a concentrated effort to find a good outcome. As a jaded cynic, an optimistic outcome always surprises me.

I only wish Sue could have experienced the same bouts of hope. She grasped onto my negativity and wouldn’t let go. Thanks to her, I did.

When the first snow storm hit the Washington DC area, I realized we would be snowed in without school, work or meetings for an entire week. I immediately started to think of ways to put the situation to good use. We could finally justify the time to do the things around the house we’ve been wishing we had the time to do. After [...]]]>

The kid's bathroom with part of my swamp mural visible.

When the first snow storm hit the Washington DC area, I realized we would be snowed in without school, work or meetings for an entire week. I immediately started to think of ways to put the situation to good use. We could finally justify the time to do the things around the house we’ve been wishing we had the time to do. After all, we were stuck in the house.

Being snowbound would allow us to complete tasks on the “To Do” lists we always keep running in our minds.

Last summer we cleaned out most of the closets in our house. Subsequently my husband gave me a shoe storage system which needed to be assembled. Mission accomplished. Now we both love the organization in our walk-in closet.

My husband has been busy painting the floor of the basement with a special paint which blocks the radon from entering the house. When we purchased the house a pump system was installed but this is an extra barrier. He also finished assembling shelves and organizing everything so we can start to finish the basement.

I changed the toilet seat in the boy’s bathroom then re-chalked both of the upstairs bathrooms.

If we didn’t have to shovel so much snow until exhaustion, we could have done more.

The storms were a gift of time. A gift to work on all those projects before all the spring activities and sports take up our free time.

Since some of my time was put to good use, I don’t regret any of the fun time we spent together during the blizzard of 2010.

My entire work career has been spent in nonprofit organizations. Every one of my workplaces has had women in the majority functioning as team with complete collaboration. Titles never mattered. No one ever tried to take credit for group efforts. It has always been about the results.

Last week Third Sector Connector had a wonderful list, 17 Hallmarks of Community Change Agents. A few jumped off the screen:

Twenty-five years ago when faced with a 30-page paper on my management style, I quit graduate school. All these years later, I know how I manage and could whip it out in short time.

Over the weekend, I read Are you casting a shadow? by Anna Farmery at The Engaging Brand. Her leadership tip was against micro managing but it’s a proven method for great team accomplishments. She wrote:

So why do we look for [...]]]>

Twenty-five years ago when faced with a 30-page paper on my management style, I quit graduate school. All these years later, I know how I manage and could whip it out in short time.

Over the weekend, I read Are you casting a shadow? by Anna Farmery at The Engaging Brand. Her leadership tip was against micro managing but it’s a proven method for great team accomplishments. She wrote:

So why do we look for talent and then watch every move they make…we are just casting a shadow and blocking out the light that will help them develop. Plant the ideas then stand back to let them grow. You will see or hear when they need watering and feeding.

You have to like and trust people to implement this management style. To let someone have control of an effort which you deem important is difficult. Quite frankly, I only realized it when I became burnt out when running an organization. I wanted other people to help. My tendency has always been to do things my own way. But I couldn’t do it anymore and let go, which created amazing results.

Now I’m a convert.

In my Cub Scout Pack, my team of leaders brainstorm at meetings and then flood our inboxes with ideas. They’ve been planning the best activities we have ever offered with enthusiasm, fun and … even a pirate costume.

I keep saying that I need to get out of the way and I do. However, as a manager you need to know when to “water and feed”.

• I step in when we have already tried something and it failed. Sometimes you need to pass on your experiences. However, I always frame the difficulties in such a way as to invite solutions. Even though a method has failed doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed and improved.
• When there are different viewpoints and suggestions, the leader needs to step in and make the decision to set the course. A leader has to have a sense as to what will work best and a solid ability to articulate the decision.
• Of course the leader steps in when no one else is actually getting the job done to provide the needed direction and instruction.

But for the most part, I just let them run with it all.

Are there other times to water and feed?