When my oldest son was born with multiple food allergies, I asked why they couldn’t make a shot for food allergies like they do for dogs, cats, and the environment. For 13 years I’ve continued to repeat this question.

Last week my son was tested to see if he physically qualifies for a milk allergy study. Every participant will receive the milk cure because they are testing an additional injection to find out if it will [...]]]>

When my oldest son was born with multiple food allergies, I asked why they couldn’t make a shot for food allergies like they do for dogs, cats, and the environment. For 13 years I’ve continued to repeat this question.

Last week my son was tested to see if he physically qualifies for a milk allergy study. Every participant will receive the milk cure because they are testing an additional injection to find out if it will aid the process. The possibility of my son helping to create the treatment for food allergies was never expected. If he gets into the study and continues to a certain level, he will be cured. Every time I allow myself think about it, a wave of emotion rushes through me.

Over the years I read the articles and listened to the lectures on the scientific research. I was never one of the people who believed there would be a cure for food allergies. Some families packed up and moved to be closer to research facilities, but I never, ever allowed myself or family to believe it could happen. Early test results did not seem promising. All the projections for success indicated he would be an adult before you could go to a doctor’s office and get the treatment. We accepted the fact that he simply couldn’t eat certain foods and created a healthy family-oriented lifestyle.

Now this.

Until we went last week, I still didn’t believe it would happen. Even if he qualified, I wasn’t sure we would agree to the risks. Also, the study will take 31 months with an hour of travel to and from the facility plus many days of missed school. The commitment is substantial.

But when we discussed all of our questions and fears with the research team, I found myself hoping.

I hate hoping. For me hope always winds up “dashed against the rocks of despair” which is a frequent mantra.

We won’t find out for a couple of more days. Many things could ultimately prevent his participation. I’ll push back this hope and wait. I’m finding it too emotional to believe in concrete miracles.

The theme of the third week of 40 Days To Personal Revolution was equanimity. There are so many things in our life we can’t change and rather than fighting, it is better to accept that we aren’t in control. Last week provided a snow storm with 8 inches to shovel and the kids home from school for three days, which was a perfect situation to practice the “art of meeting life as it meets you” [...]]]>

The theme of the third week of 40 Days To Personal Revolution was equanimity. There are so many things in our life we can’t change and rather than fighting, it is better to accept that we aren’t in control. Last week provided a snow storm with 8 inches to shovel and the kids home from school for three days, which was a perfect situation to practice the “art of meeting life as it meets you” and remain calm without frustration or drama. This wasn’t a problem. However, after the storm, a woman on her cell phone speeding through the middle of the parking garage lane and almost hitting me was a problem. These are the quick little situations we need to address with calmness.

As for equanimity while eating, 40 Days To Personal Revolution purports there is “no place where reactivity shows up faster than in our diets”. Therefore we were to look at what we crave.

The running joke in our house last week was “Why do I want to eat ______ ?” The answer was always “Because I want ________”. We all joined in the joking.

Looking to Ancient Chinese practitioners, “when the body reacts adversely to life, it craves sweets” and a chemical reaction in our bodies must be met. Unfortunately, since it was my birthday I wouldn’t remove all treats from my diet to analyze when I craved sweetness. We had birthday cake which also turned into “breakfast cake” and a couple of deserts. My husband made my favorite coca cola cake and icing so the whole thing was blasted with sugar and delicious.

Yes, you guessed it, I had the best time asking “Why do I want to eat this birthday cake?” “Because it’s my birthday, that’s why!”

Having lost 50 pounds on Weight Watchers I learned a long time ago to think about every single food I eat, so recognizing my weak spots has been my practice for a long time.

During the meditation, the program called for complete stillness for 15 minutes twice a day. Since I spent hours every day for months practicing to have a natural childbirth with the Bradley Method, staying still for meditation has not been a problem. As long as I plan my evenings and arise early enough in the morning, the meditation flows like the deep breathing. Turns out this might be time well spent. This week the New York Times had an article about meditation, How Meditation Might Change The Brain:

M.R.I. brain scans taken before and after the participants’ meditation regimen found increased gray matter in the hippocampus, an area important for learning and memory. The images also showed a reduction of gray matter in the amygdala, a region connected to anxiety and stress.

So I’m halfway to a better brain! No wonder meditation is the new fad.

As I’m completing the six days of yoga per week, I always think I don’t need a day off. Then when the seventh day rolls around, I definitely need to rest my shaky limbs. Always take advantage of the breaks in life.

These first 20 days have sped past. I still don’t miss the meat or coffee.

When I decided to embark on the 40 Days To Personal Revolution of Baron Baptiste, I was not concerned about the diet component. Our family eats healthy. With my son’s food allergies, we prepare all 21 of our weekly meals at home. Because of fears of cross contaminations, I very rarely buy processed food.

We love cooking together. My husband and I have always pulled out cookbooks then started to experiment (since I don’t [...]]]>

When I decided to embark on the 40 Days To Personal Revolution of Baron Baptiste, I was not concerned about the diet component. Our family eats healthy. With my son’s food allergies, we prepare all 21 of our weekly meals at home. Because of fears of cross contaminations, I very rarely buy processed food.

We love cooking together. My husband and I have always pulled out cookbooks then started to experiment (since I don’t like to follow recipes). We would make pizzas on our own pan and cook gourmet recipes from our own herb garden. When our first child had extensive food allergies, I always said God looked around for two people who could reinvent recipes without most of their ingredients and we were great candidates.

So, without looking at the diet section of the book, I thought my eating habits would be no problem whatsoever.

Then I read what Baptiste had to say about our Western diet. I’d have to give up meats and our standard starches. This would definitely be a challenge. We already eat fish, shellfish, and bean dishes each week, but I’d need to replace some other standard dishes.

Last night at dinner I brought up my concern to the family. I didn’t know if I would be able to do it. Immediately my husband said he would join me. “I’m in.” Then my eldest son said he would like to be healthier too and he would give it a try. The youngest asked for clarification but he realized the decision had already been made.

At first I was surprised then filled with gratitude. No matter what crazy idea I throw their way, my guys come through with their support. Looks like we are on our way to a six-week eating adventure. We’re going to have to continue to make it up as we go along.

This post is part of a series on my 40 Days To Personal Revolution journey.

Today, in honor of Father’s Day, I have a guest post from my son who just finished 7th grade.

His teacher sent his original exam question to us through the U.S. Mail. She included a letter explaining students had to respond to a prompt comparing two texts then added:

I have enjoyed reading these essays by my students, but your son’s was so heartfelt I thought you might enjoy reading as well.

As a gift to [...]]]>

Today, in honor of Father’s Day, I have a guest post from my son who just finished 7th grade.

His teacher sent his original exam question to us through the U.S. Mail. She included a letter explaining students had to respond to a prompt comparing two texts then added:

I have enjoyed reading these essays by my students, but your son’s was so heartfelt I thought you might enjoy reading as well.

As a gift to my husband on Father’s Day, here is my son’s answer to his semester exam question:

The greatest bond that can be created, the one that can never be broken, is the bond between father and child. I have one of these bonds with my dad. I love and admire him. These are the exact same feelings that the speaker and the narrator have towards their dads.

The main feeling that both the writers have towards their dads is love. You can tell because in Cheaper By The Dozen the writer says, “How we loved him then.” This actually says that they love him, the writer included. The writer of My Father Is A Simple Man also has great feelings of love for his father. You can tell because he says “I’d gladly give my life for this man.” That is a perfect example of unconditional love. The writer loves his father so much he would make the ultimate and final sacrifice for him. The bond between father and son sits on a gossamer web of love.

The other main feeling of the bond is admiration. To the writers and me a smile means success. A man who has everything from maturity to responsibility is so much higher up the ladder of life than you. When he reaches out his hand to help you up what else can you feel but admiration. The writer of My Father Is A Simple Man understands this and his admiration is shown by the quote “whose kindness and patience are true …?” The writer is talking about his father and the fact that he sees these two attributes shows that he respects and admires his father. The writer of Cheaper By The Dozen also shows admiration in the quote “… and then we’d throw our arms around him.” This clearly shows admiration and probably love. In total when you put admiration and love together it’s like the sun and moon, dark and light, and ying and yang working together with a conundrum so powerful that the bond cannot be broken.

There are things I will never understand in this world. Girls is one of them but if there is one thing I do understand it is the bond of father and child. It cannot be broken once it is made. If admiration is lost, love will bring it back. If love is lost, admiration will bring it back. In the end, love and admiration are the two most powerful forces there are and if a bond is made of them that nothing, not even a nuke, can break it.

I add all my love and send it along with my son’s.

When I was 8 years old, my favorite books were the Choose Your Own Adventure series. You know, the ones where you would read a few pages and then have to make a decision on what to do next. The story could change by [...]]]> Today is Adoption Blogger Day so I welcome a guest post by my friend Michael Mangum. I had the great honor of writing a recommendation for their adoption. Here is their story:

When I was 8 years old, my favorite books were the Choose Your Own Adventure series. You know, the ones where you would read a few pages and then have to make a decision on what to do next. The story could change by simply turning to a different page.

That’s how I feel this morning after reading the headline, “Russia suspends U.S. adoptions”. I just want to change the story.

At age 35, I now find myself having to explain to my 8 year old son why his 5 year old soon-to-be adopted brother from Russia will likely not be joining our family this summer. I shared with him the news reports of the Tennessee mom who sent her adopted 7 year old son back to Russia because she did not want him anymore.

His first question, “why isn’t she in jail?”

Regardless of the circumstances, her actions are inexcusable and she deserves to be charged with child abandonment as she is the child’s legal guardian and chose to give him up in a manner that would create an unsafe situation for the child.

Apparently, she made no attempt to seek help from her adoption agency or through the local community. I recognize that this child may have had significant attachment issues and even exhibited signs of psychotic behavior.

However, as an adoptive parent, she should have prepared herself for the worst and made certain that she had a strong support system in place before accepting this child into her home.

If given the chance to ask her one question, I would like to know whether she ever considered the impact of her planned actions on the adoption community.

There are more than 3,000 pending American adoptions of Russian children that are now “officially” interrupted due to present concerns over the safety of Russian children living in the United States.

My family’s pending adoption is one of the cases now at risk.

Here is our story..

We arrived at the decision to adopt a child from Russia after much soul searching and thoughtful consideration.

My wife and I are blessed to have conceived a child after 5 years of marriage. Our son is now 8 years old and he has brought much joy into our lives.

Ever since he was a little boy, he always asked us when he would get a little brother or sister. We both felt very strongly that the greatest gift we could give our son would be the life experience of growing up with a sibling as we did not want him to grow up as an only child.

It took us nearly seven years of trying to conceive our second child before we decided to give up. There were no medical reasons to explain our lack of success. We worked with a fertility specialist and after one miscarriage and several failed procedures we were emotionally drained. We felt like we had failed our son (and one another) and did not know where else to turn.

Frankly, neither of us had any experience with adoption and it never even crossed our minds to consider this as an alternative. That is, until we began listening to the shared experiences of friends and colleagues who had been through several successful international adoptions.

At first, we found it awkward and seemingly intrusive to ask co-workers and friends if their children were adopted. But as we asked around, we quickly realized how open people were in sharing their personal experiences. We were shocked to learn how many families were either personally involved with or knew someone who had an adoption experience to share.

In fact, we found out from three co-workers that all eight of their combined children were adopted from Russia. Ironically, we couldn’t find anyone who had successfully adopted a child from the United States, which seemed in the beginning to be a more natural place to start.

We had the fortunate luck of getting to know several adopted Russian children living in our area and were quite impressed with how well adjusted they were to American life. They all seemed happy, healthy and thankful (as much as can be expected from children).

Our minds were made up and we decided to take a leap of faith and begin our adoption journey. We re-financed our house, borrowed money, got our affairs in order and began the daunting task of completing the adoption paperwork.

Within a few months, we got a call from our agency informing us that there was a 5 year old boy, Sasha, being hosted by a family in New York City. We were given the rare opportunity to spend a few days with the host family and to get to know this child.

The next thing we knew we were on a train headed to New York around the 4th of July holiday, along with our son. We spent three wonderful days with Sasha and the host family, who welcomed us into their home with open arms. All I can say is that everything just seemed to click. The boys played well together and we could tell right away that Sasha had amazing potential. He was affectionate, playful and smart. He definitely showed some signs of behavioral problems, but what can you expect from a child who has spent his entire life in an orphanage?

On the train ride back, we looked at one another and agreed to commit ourselves to having this child join our family. We recognized that this was going to be a difficult adjustment for everyone involved but were willing to make that sacrifice.

After only a few short weeks, Sasha returned to Far East Russia and we continued our efforts to adopt him.

We received a call from our agency on a Monday morning in late December informing us that we had to be on a plane within a few days to visit with officials in the local Russian government and to meet Sasha at the orphanage.

Never having traveled internationally before, we were quite nervous about the journey ahead of us. We decided to bring our son along, as this was bound to be an experience that he would never forget.

I could go on and on about our adventures in Russia, but I will save that story for another time. Needless to say, we managed to get ourselves to the orphanage and back safely, traveling more than 10,000 miles each way. Sasha was thrilled to see us again, we met with all of the officials and signed the necessary documents. We even managed to find our way to Disneyland Paris on Christmas Day before returning home.

It has been almost four months since we returned from Russia. We are in the final stages of completing our dossier so that we can return to Russia to complete the adoption. We expect that the second trip will last about a month and were preparing to leave sometime over the summer.

That is, until this story broke.

All we can do is wait and hope that the U.S. and Russia will sign an agreement that will allow for intercountry adoptions between our two nations to continue.

In the meantime, there are a few steps that we can take now to help promote awareness of the success of international adoptions.

For starters, today is Adoption Blogger Day, which is a chance for families to share their stories with the world. So, please forward this posting onto your friends and family so that the truth about adoptions can be shared.

Also, you can sign a petition in support of allowing intercountry adoptions between Russia and the U.S. to continue.

Here is the link to the “We Are The Truth” petition.

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/we-are-the-truth.html

Assuming that we can complete our adoption at some point in the near future, we recognize that the journey is just beginning. We have a lot of hard work ahead of us, but unlike the Tennessee mom, we have a very strong support system of Russian speaking friends and fellow adoptive parents to help guide our family along the right path.

I have spent the last few days reading internet postings about the Tennessee mom and adoptions, in general. I hope that our story helps to shed some light on the reasons why some families choose to head down the path of international adoption.

Bottom line, children need families. It should not matter where they are born. Rather, all children should be given the opportunity to reach their full potential and adoptive parents are there to help ensure that their circumstances do not get in the way of their dreams.

by Michael Mangum

When the first snow storm hit the Washington DC area, I realized we would be snowed in without school, work or meetings for an entire week. I immediately started to think of ways to put the situation to good use. We could finally justify the time to do the things around the house we’ve been wishing we had the time to do. After [...]]]>

The kid's bathroom with part of my swamp mural visible.

When the first snow storm hit the Washington DC area, I realized we would be snowed in without school, work or meetings for an entire week. I immediately started to think of ways to put the situation to good use. We could finally justify the time to do the things around the house we’ve been wishing we had the time to do. After all, we were stuck in the house.

Being snowbound would allow us to complete tasks on the “To Do” lists we always keep running in our minds.

Last summer we cleaned out most of the closets in our house. Subsequently my husband gave me a shoe storage system which needed to be assembled. Mission accomplished. Now we both love the organization in our walk-in closet.

My husband has been busy painting the floor of the basement with a special paint which blocks the radon from entering the house. When we purchased the house a pump system was installed but this is an extra barrier. He also finished assembling shelves and organizing everything so we can start to finish the basement.

I changed the toilet seat in the boy’s bathroom then re-chalked both of the upstairs bathrooms.

If we didn’t have to shovel so much snow until exhaustion, we could have done more.

The storms were a gift of time. A gift to work on all those projects before all the spring activities and sports take up our free time.

Since some of my time was put to good use, I don’t regret any of the fun time we spent together during the blizzard of 2010.

Twenty years ago when my husband and I started dating, we had the reputation of doing [...]]]> Last summer, I took my sons to the amusement park. The boys are almost the same height so an amusement park trip would be fine with one parent. We could easily stay together. Although I’ve been a full-time mom for eleven years and have done just about everything possible, I’d never ventured to an amusement park with them alone.

Twenty years ago when my husband and I started dating, we had the reputation of doing everything together. When we were married, we couldn’t understand all the couples that split up errands on the weekends. Grocery shopping and all those other tasks were never fun, but when we were together it didn’t matter. We were together.

During the summer months we always visit amusement parks as a family, sometimes camping exclusively for this purpose. But for the first time, I was in an amusement park without my husband. Both my sons will jump on any ride, no matter how treacherous. We went on the swings but then hit the two big wooden roller coasters. Then we changed to bathing suits and threw ourselves down the water slides. Laughing and teasing, we enjoyed every part of the park and were happy to be together.

Although enjoying the thrills, a part of me was missing. The four person water slide would have been faster without that empty seat, not to mention I couldn’t carry the giant tube without help from a fine young man in the group behind us. The roller coaster seat next to me was empty all the time. The experience felt slightly lonely.

Recently, my best friend lost his partner of 23 years in a terrible, unusual accident. He called me that morning when the police told him to call someone. It reminded me of September 11th when people jumped out of the World Trade Center holding hands. Everyone started to think about who they would hold hands with to jump. Who would you call if you found your spouse dead? Who’s going to hold your hand? I was one of many that showed up that day and the experience was a nightmare, a horror.

I felt guilty for going home to my husband.

At the amusement park I missed my husband in a small way, knowing that my friend feels this way about every single moment of the day without relief. I knew that my family would be together for our regular evening dinner, but my friend’s loss never ends. I feel his pain because we have been so close. He’s always the one I call when I feel down. He never fails to put my situations in perspective and cut to the chase about the other people in my life.

So I understand the pain of his loss. I even feel it but I can’t fix it. He has to reinvent his family with his son. A new life needs to be created.

This fall our oldest nephew went to college. His dad and I always keep up with each other and share the news. They cried when he left. I tried to console him by emphasizing what a wonderful job they had done with their son. He’s a remarkable young man who I admire. He’s a caring person who learned sign language and has a full scholarship to college – tuition, room and board. The change in their family is just so large.

Although I’m thick in the middle of my family with a young child who can’t be left alone, I know there are changes coming. Not yet, but soon. Even now the oldest one has all day and weekend commitments and the younger one goes to sleepovers .The family unit is not together all the time like it used to be. I’m thankful for the times we are.

I’m also thankful for the friends who dropped everything to be with me when I needed them this year, and most of all, I’m thankful for the strength we give each other to get through life’s changes.