My entire work career has been spent in nonprofit organizations. Every one of my workplaces has had women in the majority functioning as team with complete collaboration. Titles never mattered. No one ever tried to take credit for group efforts. It has always been about the results.

Last week Third Sector Connector had a wonderful list, 17 Hallmarks [...]]]>  

My entire work career has been spent in nonprofit organizations. Every one of my workplaces has had women in the majority functioning as team with complete collaboration. Titles never mattered. No one ever tried to take credit for group efforts. It has always been about the results.

Last week Third Sector Connector had a wonderful list, 17 Hallmarks of Community Change Agents. A few jumped off the screen:

They value team, and they have an understanding that attracting, retaining, and supporting a strong team is essential to delivering high quality services.

Rather than building silos and rigidly adhering to job descriptions, they encourage ad-hoc teams, cross-training and shared responsibility.

They encourage, value and provide professional development, mentoring and coaching.

You may notice a common thread. The teamwork is blurred. Roles shift and change. People are appreciated. Everyone offers their best because no one is taking credit or calling the work their own. Success stems from a group effort by qualified and valued members.

Over the years, my leadership style has always been based on such impassioned teams. Accomplishments are always paramount to the role I play.

A quote by Harry S. Truman has resonated with me and reminded me of what’s important:

You can accomplish anything in life provided that you do not mind who gets the credit.

It’s so true. This has always been my way of life. For me it is never about the “glory”. I want to improve the lives around me by leading and growing community for the common good.  I don’t believe in saying “I”, it’s always “We”. It’s actually painful for me when I can’t bring people together and I have to watch endeavors wither.

So I’m pleased to be reminded of how real, positive change can be attained.

Last weekend a friend wrote that she wanted to find grant funding for her photo documentary. Since we were fooling around with the Google Wave, I could easily research sites for her and post the links into our live chat. I gave her an assignment. She had to get this cutting-edge project funded.

 Many artists and [...]]]>

Last weekend a friend wrote that she wanted to find grant funding for her photo documentary. Since we were fooling around with the Google Wave, I could easily research sites for her and post the links into our live chat. I gave her an assignment. She had to get this cutting-edge project funded.

 Many artists and photographers pay the rent with clerical jobs while pursuing their passions. My friend is no different. However she had been laid off. This was the perfect time to find funding for her photography.

 On Monday morning she Tweeted this:

 grants grants grant… where are you??????? i am dedicating the day to online research.. starting… right…NOW!

 She was excited. I went off to work at the office we used to share before she moved to pursue a photography opportunity.

 At work I discovered the person who replaced her was out on an extended leave and we desperately needed help with our database. We discussed hiring my friend to work remotely and were going to call her. I knew, at that very moment, she was excitedly researching her dream.  I knew she’d be interrupted by an administrative job and loose her stride toward her dream.

 So often we shove aside the pursuit of our passions to take care of our responsibilities and pay the rent. We don’t give our best effort to improving our lives.

Last week I read How To Focus On What Truly Matters by Sid Savara, a guest on Zen Habits. His suggestions were fresh on my mind as thought about the possibilities for my friend.

 Sid Savara writes about doing what excites us, “what gets our heart pumping, and what gets us excited to jump out of bed in the morning.”

But my problem has always been taking care of everything for others rather than doing what I want to do. In fact, I often feel guilty about spending time on the projects I enjoy. But after reading this passage, I’ve changed my priorities.

Do it first. In Zen To Done Leo suggests picking your 3 Most Important Tasks (MITs) and doing them first thing in the morning. Similarly, once you find what truly matters, try to take care of it first before spending time on tasks that matter less to you. … I work on my personal goals first thing in the morning, before I do anything else. This way every day begins positively and in line with my future.

Too often I’ll shove my enthusiasm aside and do what I believe is required of me. I’ll answer all those emails for my volunteer duties and prepare for meetings then loose my spirit for the task I really wanted to do. Not anymore. I planned an entire event with the small amount of time available after I did what I wanted to do. I let it slide. In the end, it was fine.

So, make time for what excites you first. Don’t waste it on all the filler.

When I was in eighth grade, my teacher said I was cynical. As an adult, I don’t think it’s such a bad quality.

In today’s age of constant, on-the-spot, media coverage by both professionals and every guy on the street, we are bombarded with “news”. [...]]]>

News might be Fast but is it Dependable? Let's be Reasonable.

When I was in eighth grade, my teacher said I was cynical. As an adult, I don’t think it’s such a bad quality.

In today’s age of constant, on-the-spot, media coverage by both professionals and every guy on the street, we are bombarded with “news”. The breaking headlines on CNN and Twitter capture people’s attention. I’m always shocked at how completely people believe the details and instantly empathize.

“Is this true?” is always the first question in my mind. I can’t stop myself.

A few years ago I spent two weekends in an Episcopal Church workshop exploring my “gifts”. When discernment topped the list, I was surprised. I’d never heard of it. As we researched the results, I scoffed at God putting people on earth to discern good from evil, identify “false prophets”, and protect his people. Could there really be a gift enabling you to determine if something is true or false?

My immediate reaction was that we don’t need this gift anymore. We have the Bible, right? It’s written. How on earth would this gift serve my church in this day and age? When was the last time you saw a golden calf being worshiped in your neighborhood? How ridiculous!

But then I started to think. I thought about a phone call I received from a parishioner would wanted to organize a blood drive at our church. Since I was outreach co-chair, he called me. I immediately had a terrible feeling while talking to him on the phone. Even though he had a well-thought out plan and had even considered the need for childcare during the blood drive, I was “against” him. It’s difficult to put it into words. Since this was church and we are supposed to love everyone, I felt awful. I couldn’t deal with speaking to him and handed the whole thing over to my co-chair. How guilty I felt for the reaction and my inability to accept this man.

A short time later an older woman in the parish recognized him as a child molester who had grown up in our church and served time in prison. He had just been released. Our parish had to deal with how to handle his presence and even met with the bishop about it.  He could hear the word but we needed to protect people.

At the time I only fleetingly thought about my strong reaction to him. I didn’t give it much weight. Now I pay attention to these “reactions” to people and situations. I accept my nature to take a step back and not get carried away in new situations. Maybe I’m just made this way.

With all the constant interactions online, we need to force ourselves to take a cynical look at “news” and discern if it is true or false. I believe we all have this gift to observe and consider before reacting.

My fear is we will become so detached that we won’t care when we should. If we are unable to develop a personal system for determining if reports are false, we’ll ignore all reports. I hope we all have a good dose of discernment to keep us true.

Our friend’s father was meeting us at a vacation cabin. When he arrived early, he decided to sightsee and wound up lost. He called trying to find his way back to the rental house but he didn’t know where he was or what road he was on. All he kept repeating was “Just tell me [...]]]>

Our friend’s father was meeting us at a vacation cabin. When he arrived early, he decided to sightsee and wound up lost. He called trying to find his way back to the rental house but he didn’t know where he was or what road he was on. All he kept repeating was “Just tell me what road I need to get on.”

My friend kept telling him “Look for a sign and tell us what road you are on.” Both finally gave up in frustration. We couldn’t tell him because we didn’t know where he was. Several turns might have been necessary to lead him back to a main road. The situation was impossible.

You need to know where you are before you can get where you’re going. This seems simple but we often can’t recognize the complexities. We see a destination — an end result — and want to arrive without taking our starting point into consideration.

Where are you?

I’ve been observing someone attempt to organize a new initiative. Lacking the skills to analyze where she is, she sends missives to everyone involved rather than the leaders who need to decide how to proceed. She makes new demands without acknowledging the change or justifying the request. She knows where she is told she must go, but doesn’t have the ability to understand where she is, who is involved, what the instructions need to be, and how to inform everyone. She’s lost.

In some cases, such as this one, I don’t think she even realizes she’s fumbling around. What can she do?

The most important thing is to stop and ask for directions. Find someone to help. When you are not receiving positive responses or the expected answers, realize you are not proceeding correctly.

Ask someone to explain why. Be open to hearing what you are doing wrong. This is the only way to improve.

Ask yourself if you are struggling or frustrated. Think about the reasons. Have you found yourself feeling this way on other projects? Is there anything you can do?

Keep in mind, we all have limitations. Sometimes you need to turn the wheel over to another driver and admit you can’t handle the situation. Learn from your failures.

I hate them.

I fight them back. Do the right thing. Realize I have no right to feel the [...]]]> The first time I heard Joni Mitchell’s Good Friends , I loved the line “No blame for what we can and cannot feel”.  I felt relief. The song allowed me to forgive myself for those sometimes inappropriate emotional responses to situations.

I hate them.

I fight them back. Do the right thing. Realize I have no right to feel the way I do, then see the situation from another perspective. My mind puts a stop to my emotions, usually at a pretty quick pace. We’d all like to think we’re perfect and never react with anger, jealousy, or hate, but we do. We may immediately stop ourselves or struggle for a while, but the emotions exist.

The people in our lives can help or hinder the process. Friends can support inappropriate reactions or help you work toward more balanced responses. People who surround themselves with others in a certain mindset tend to react in the same way.

This is why support groups often go off on crazy tangents.

When I was breast feeding, friends warned me away from La Leche League because they said they were extreme. I never went but should have. I did have some difficulties and could have used their help. Other people’s impressions stopped me.

A support group was extremely helpful when I had a child with extensive allergies to food, medicines and the environment. However, I disagree with the elimination of certain foods from public places such as the bins of peanuts in stores. I also don’t agree with hand wipes to every child after lunch because it is unnecessary, damaging to the environment, against best practices from the leading doctors, and a waste of money. I would attend and feel the need to speak against these advocacy efforts. I don’t enjoy conflict, so I stopped attending. My 12 years of experience is lost to all the newcomers who need to figure out how to survive each day.

Since like-minded people tend to stay together, formal groups often don’t recognize other people’s realities. They become very centered on their own concerns. This is helpful when first dealing with a new situation in your life but eventually, you are ready to progress.

Support groups need to support. When the group veers off to change the world, someone needs to take a step back and stop them. Other organizations can handle the protesting, letter writing, and campaign organizing. A support group needs to help people deal with the world on a daily basis and not change the world. Otherwise, the care and encouragement are lost in the midst of the protests.

What have your support group experiences been like?

Most of the time, it’s not easy to [...]]]> Last week I wondered. Why do I care about the historic preservation of a building? Why do I care if the affordable housing community is built? Why do I care that there are homeless people living on our streets? None of these outcomes will change my life directly.

Most of the time, it’s not easy to care. When you really care, you take action. For these types of issues, you are often in the minority. Others may care but not enough to take action. If you act, you feel like the lone voice in the wilderness.

Even if you do find like-minded supporters for certain issues, it’s still not easy. If you stick your neck out, the repercussions from a loud and angry crowd of NIMBYs can be devastating. When they resort to personal attacks or try to discredit you, caring can be painful. People tell me you have to be thick-skinned.

Nothing new here to those with any experience with campaigns or NIMBYs. But when it happens to you, it feels like the first time. It is new. When taken on a personal level, aggressive emails and public complaints feel like you are being bullied. Standing up to a bully takes strength. People tend to shy away from confrontation so the bullies, and NIMBYs, win.

Last Sunday I visited a church. The minister preached about what Jesus could have done with his life. He could have continued to heal all day or preach nonstop, but his ultimate actions resulted in a movement, Christianity. She talked about how two thousand years later we have many people preaching to others, healing in hospitals, and working for nonprofit institutions.

I’d never thought about my nonprofit career as a fulfillment of Jesus’ mission. Throughout my teen years whenever I prayed in church for guidance in my life, the message was always so clear and loud. You must help other people. I could never escape it.

When I decided to “stay home with the kids”, I swore I would not go back to nonprofit work. I have.

Along the way I spent all my free time volunteering to make my little corner of the world better – the schools, the scouts, the church, and the community. I can’t help myself.

Last week, I reported on a meeting where one side of an issue presented their response to the other side. Unbeknownst to me, many didn’t want that information out in the community. The person who made the presentation said my writing was accurate, but his opponents are trying to discredit my integrity and ability. That’s tough to bear since it’s not been done in public, nor in a way I can respond.

So, the minister’s words were comforting to me.

Rest assured that this experience does not make me think that I’m on some type of Christian mission when I volunteer or work. I wouldn’t be so bold or ignorant. I acknowledge two sides to every issue and portray both evenly. My training as a Philosophy major forced me to accurately portray arguments then analyze their strengths. Sometimes this meant admitting that the argument against my belief was stronger.

A force … a strength … pushes me each day and keeps me going, even when it is not in my best self-interest. This much is sure. Where it comes from may not be certain.

Love and caring does extend beyond personal interests. Why do you care?