Grab Hold Of That Support Group

The first time I heard Joni Mitchell’s Good Friends , I loved the line “No blame for what we can and cannot feel”.  I felt relief. The song allowed me to forgive myself for those sometimes inappropriate emotional responses to situations.

I hate them.

I fight them back. Do the right thing. Realize I have no right to feel the way I do, then see the situation from another perspective. My mind puts a stop to my emotions, usually at a pretty quick pace. We’d all like to think we’re perfect and never react with anger, jealousy, or hate, but we do. We may immediately stop ourselves or struggle for a while, but the emotions exist.

The people in our lives can help or hinder the process. Friends can support inappropriate reactions or help you work toward more balanced responses. People who surround themselves with others in a certain mindset tend to react in the same way.

This is why support groups often go off on crazy tangents.

When I was breast feeding, friends warned me away from La Leche League because they said they were extreme. I never went but should have. I did have some difficulties and could have used their help. Other people’s impressions stopped me.

A support group was extremely helpful when I had a child with extensive allergies to food, medicines and the environment. However, I disagree with the elimination of certain foods from public places such as the bins of peanuts in stores. I also don’t agree with hand wipes to every child after lunch because it is unnecessary, damaging to the environment, against best practices from the leading doctors, and a waste of money. I would attend and feel the need to speak against these advocacy efforts. I don’t enjoy conflict, so I stopped attending. My 12 years of experience is lost to all the newcomers who need to figure out how to survive each day.

Since like-minded people tend to stay together, formal groups often don’t recognize other people’s realities. They become very centered on their own concerns. This is helpful when first dealing with a new situation in your life but eventually, you are ready to progress.

Support groups need to support. When the group veers off to change the world, someone needs to take a step back and stop them. Other organizations can handle the protesting, letter writing, and campaign organizing. A support group needs to help people deal with the world on a daily basis and not change the world. Otherwise, the care and encouragement are lost in the midst of the protests.

What have your support group experiences been like?